The last time I wrote about a bird, it was a short article that didn’t really amount to much, mostly because birds are boring and don’t do a whole lot. Birds like the violet sabrewing, a hummingbird, have possibly the coolest super power of all the animals, yet they live the most boring of lives. It’s like if Superman could fly but also only read books. Sure, he could read a book while lazily gliding through a cloud on his back, but where does that leave us? Bored and underwhelmed.
If a bird could read books they would probably read about the most badass sounding animal there is, the violet sabrewing. “Violet” is exceptionally close to “violent,” which is just all kinds of suggestive, and “sabrewing” sounds like an A-class space jet fighter.
“Sir, enemy forces have deployed in sub space!”
“Good! Send in the SABREWINGS!”
Cue epic space battle.
A violet sabrewing (campylopterus hemileucurus) is, well, violet in color. I really don’t think you needed me for that, but hey, I’ll do the heavy lifting and some dusting for you too. They’re about 15 cm long, weigh between 9.5 g (females) to 11.5 g (males), and are the largest of the hummingbirds. The violet sabrewing eats nectar from all kind of plants, but particularly enjoys the heliconias and bananas. Did you know banana plants have flowers? I didn’t. Wait maybe it’s a different thing. I should be the one to research it and actually look it up to add integrity to my article, but honestly, nah.
Can we just go back for a hot second and remember that this thing is called the violet SABREWING? Like a super sharp super fast death machine screaming through the sky cutting everything in its path. Fear the sabrewing! Bringer of death and ruin!
Like A Sexy Barbershop Quartet
I’m not sure if this is all birds or just the violet sabrewing, but these birds like to sing in groups. Ranging from about 4-6, packs of these hummingbirds will get together and sing a song for all the ladies in the house. The crazy thing to me is, when a lady comes by, she picks one of these guys to mate with, and then builds a nest immediately after.
That’s like being in a band, or say, a sexy barbershop quartet, and you sing your songs at the local corner spot. A fine lookin’ girl walks up to you and says “Hey. Let’s go bang.” Then, you go into the park, climb a tree, and bang her. And then she goes and builds a goddamned house. That is the most insane shit I have ever heard.
A violet sabrewing is a pretty dope bird if you ask me, even if it suffers from the disability of being a boring-ass-bird. The name violet sabrewing is great though, it conjures up images of a blood soaked monster shooting purple lazer beams from its eyes flying through the night sky on a terrible rampage. Or it just makes you think of the bird. Whatever.
What does violet sabrewing make you think of? A regular bird or a badass monster concoction of awesome? Let me know.
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