Playin’ Chicken and Makin Weird Noises (The Dik Dik)

It’s seriously called the dik dik. You can’t make this shit up. This here, this is a dik dik. And that there, that’s a pussy pussy.  This is an ass ass, and that’s a tit tit. Welcome to the New England Zoo of Sexy Sex. Admission is one used condom. Ew.

You guys know I just google an animal and relay whatever information I find on Wikipedia or whatever right? The dik dik is a tiny antelope about 30 to 40 cm tall and is the cutest thing I’ve ever laid my incredibly handsome, manly man-eyes on. I wrote this while fist fighting a shark. That’s important because I need you to know where I stand when I say this thing is adorable. I stand tall, proud, and making strange noises in the presence of especially cute animals.

Dik diks don’t do a whole lot, you know, like a dumb bird. They eat leaves and berries and shit, and run away from predators. Not a bad life if you’re fast enough (the dik dik can reach about 26 miles an hour). It’s in the genus Madoqua which means nothing to me and if it means anything to you I probably don’t trust you because you’re the type of person that just knows too much about one thing to be normal.

Makin Weird Noises
The dik dik is named as such because of the high pitched noise the females make when there’s trouble afoot. Essentially, this makes the dik dik a Pokémon. I’m amazed, impressed, and a little frightened that Microsoft Word knew the correct way to spell Pokémon with the funny thing above the e and everything. So if you see a dik dik, make sure you throw your balls at it, because that’s a thing that I’d like to see.

Playin’ Chicken
Here, just read what Wikipedia says so I don’t have to paraphrase it: “the males from each territory dash at each other, stop short, vigorously nod their heads and turn around. They will repeat this process, increasing the distance each time until one stops.” This basically means they run head on and see who stops first, label that guy a pussy, and move on with their tiny lives (dik diks live about 10 years). So all of the territorial disputes are handled with a nice game of Chicken. You know what Chicken is right? Chicken is when two people run at each other full speed and then see which one stops first, and that guy, or girl, or in the middle, is the loser. Pretty childish and pretty awesome.

Not surprisingly, dik diks don’t use their horns at all, because they’re boring. Forgot to mention that. The males have tiny little adorable horns on their head that they use for absolutely nothing, or at least Wikipedia didn’t mention anything about it. Above all, however, dik diks are adorable and I would totally keep this tiny antelope as a pet. The being said, I don’t think we’d do much.

Dik diks are amazing and you agree with me. Comment and tell me how much you agree with me. If you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong.

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