Eatin’ Bugs, Runnin’ Fast, and Bein’ Mormon (The Bat-Eared Fox)

Bat-eared foxes are so craaazzzy

Listen I got this from Google. If it’s yours let me know. Else shove off.

Look at this big-eared bitch. Holy tits, look at those ears. Remember that scene in Dumbo where the crows were like “You can fly even though you’re an elephant because you have super huge freak ears”? This is like that but in real life. I bet the bat-eared fox could probably fly if it wanted to; if it wanted to. What the bat-eared fox probably wants out of life is to eat a bunch of bugs without being bothered. Hell, it’s only good at two things: finding bugs and running away.

The bat-eared fox lives in Africa, and I would go through and break down the taxonomy, that is all those Latin scientific names, but really I have no idea what any of it means, so we’re gonna say “That big-eared thang that lives in Africa.” Also known as the big-eared fox (no shit), black-eared fox (equally creative), cape fox (which sounds awesome), and Delalande’s fox (whoever the fuck that is). I try to keep this PG-13 and only say fuck once. That’s the rule, you see, I think, for PG-13 movies; you get one fuck. That’s what someone told me once. Which is kind of stupid, because if your movie is riddled with people saying fuck over and over, it’s probably not a very good movie.

Eatin’ Bugs
The bat-eared fox uses its huge, bat wing-shaped ears to listen for bugs. That’s right, it listens for bugs in the ground. Like, through the soil. According to the internet, the bat-eared fox can hear larvae chewing their way out of an underground dung beetle ball. That’s like, Daredevil level of insane hearing. Don’t know who Daredevil is? They made a movie about him. Apparently the guy who played Dexter would seriously consider playing him in an upcoming Netflix series. Literally none of this matters. He’s a guy that can’t see but can use sonar so pretty much, he can see.

Bat-eared foxes are also super important for termite control. A single bat-eared fox can eat up to 1.15 million termites each year, making up about 80% of their diets. That is so many termites. Like I’ve never seen one termite I can’t imagine what 1.15 million looks like. Probably like a normal floor, right, but then it’s all squirmy. Like that scene in the Indiana Jones movie. “Why is the floor moving?” And then Indy throws a torch down and it’s covered in snakes. Ok probably nothing like that but a bat-eared fox can eat a lot of termites ok.

Runnin’ Fast
The bat-eared fox has a lot of natural predators, like cheetahs, jackals, spotted hyenas, rock pythons, African wild dogs, and leopards. They are also hunted by raptors, a type of huge bird like the harpy eagle. A bat-eared fox has one real defense mechanism: its speed. It runs around real fast and uses its bushy tail as a rudder and zig-zags everywhere until it eventually comes to its own underground den, which provides it with the most protection. These dens are usually huge interconnected chambers with several entrances, so it’s kind of like a secret hideout to not get killed in. The bat-eared fox does it right.

Bein’ Mormon
Bat-eared foxes mate for life, but sometimes, two females will mate with one male and share a communal den. That blows my fucking mind. That’s awesome. That’s the dream man. Actually no it’s not because then instead of keeping one woman happy now you need to do it twice over so maybe the bat-eared fox doesn’t have it figured out as much as I thought it did. I only said “Bein’ Mormon” because the only thing I know about Mormons is their polygamy and literally nothing else besides they live in Utah and no one believes anything they say. Except other Mormons. Hey at least I capitalized the M.

Daddy bat-eared foxes do most of the child rearing like grooming and stuff while the mother goes off on her own and does her own thing which I mean is ok I guess she did the “feed the children milk” thing she should get a break you know what I approve of this. Everything is fine.

And that’s it, that’s all the cool things about the bat-eared fox, besides the fact that their babies are more adorable than anything that could ever come out of a human. I don’t plan on having kids so at least I can never be disappointed with an ugly baby you know what I mean? An ugly baby is a really sad thing because like it’s a baby and it doesn’t even know how ugly it is. Anyway, the bat-eared fox isn’t listed as endangered or anything but don’t kill it because it’s cute. Later.

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