I’m just going to pretend like it hasn’t been three months since the last time I wrote one of these. Since I’m so out of it, I had nowhere to start when it came to picking an animal for the week. So I literally googled “weird animals,” like some kind of curious twelve year old, and picked the first thing I found, the pink fairy armadillo. I understand why it’s called pink, because it’s pink. The blood vessels in (or around, or something, I don’t know how these things work) the leathery armor are close enough to the surface that they give it a pink tint. They’re about 4 inches in length and weigh something like 4.2 ounces, making them the smallest armadillo on record.
I have no idea why they call it fairy though, as it doesn’t have wings or grant wishes or anything like that. I mean that I know of, who knows, maybe this thing crawls into scientists tents and grants them wishes in their sleep. What kind of things do scientists wish for? Probably like, beakers and shit, and Bunsen burners. And notebooks. And tape for their glasses. Because they’re nerds, right guys? Come on, we’re having fun.
You know what they say about big feet
The pink fairy armadillo is also called the pichiciego, which is exactly what I would name it if it were a Pokémon. It even looks like a Pokémon. It’s furry, and it’s got these huge feet that are disproportionately sized to its body, as you can see in wherever I decide to post the picture of it. Maybe above this. Maybe below. This is just filler text because I have nothing to say about its big feet. Besides the fact that it uses them to dig tunnels. Did I mention the tunnels? It lives in tunnels and shit.It digs tunnels and that’s what make it happy.
And it eats bugs
It lives in tunnels and eats bugs, which is a mildly interesting life to live. I’m sure they’ve got all these great bug catching stories, from their younger years you know, and they tell them around pink fairy campfires and use them to scare the little pink fairy children. Like when Carl, who’s not around anymore but you’ve heard of him, took down over a thousand ants in one day. Just ate ‘em all up. Carl was digging around and he came across an entire ant colony and he said “You know what. Today’s the day, Carl.” And he ate all those fuckin ants, like the goddamned Champion of Light.
Sometimes it’ll eat worms and snails and shit too.
It’s, like, “sort of” endangered?
So, apparently, some scientists were all “Well it should be classified as ‘near threatened’ on our little scale thing,” and then two years later decided “Well we can’t seem to find any to monitor them, so we’re just going to change it to “data inconclusive” instead of trying harder.” So right now, the pink fairy armadillo is listed as “data inconclusive” on the endangered scale.
These armadillos are threatened by a few things, including tunnel flooding and coyotes. If it rains, and an armadillo is in the tunnel, it can’t stay down there, or it’s going to drown, which I don’t know if you know this, is bad. It also get its fur all wet and it can’t properly regulate its body temperature and faces hypothermia. When it runs out of the tunnel, a coyote could totally eat it, so there’s that too.
And, of course, there is also the threat of human beings. New developments plow over the burrowings of the little guys and put them out of a home. Pesticides used to to kill bugs infect the ants that the armadillo eats and eating enough of them will kill you. Plus the added threat of domestic dogs and cats, these little pink things have it rough. So like if you see one, be nice.
Hey if you want to learn more about the pink fairy armadillo you should Google it. Have I made that joke before? Probably. Later dudes.
What do YOU think about the pink fairy armadillo? Well I think it’s adorable. Let me know what you think in the comments.