It eats bones. Real bones. (The Bearded Vulture)

Guys, I did it. I found another one. I found another bird that isn’t stupid. Do you understand how excited I am? There’s a bird I respect. RESPECT. Like, the Muhammad Ali of birds. In that I respect him. I’ve never thought about Ali before in my life, but when I was like “I need to write someone I respect,” he was the first person to come to mind. Dudes, the bearded vulture is the Muhammad Ali of birds, in that he is worthy of your admiration.

Bearded vultures weigh about 17 pounds, making them an average sized bird. They have a wingspan of up to over 9 feet which as I’m sure you know is taller than a human but more obviously shorter than a minotaur. Is a minotaur over 9 feet? I can only assume it is. Maybe we just say troll. Trolls are taller than the wingspan of a bearded vulture.

Something something red stuff
I didn’t find anything written about this on any websites, but I’m pretty sure the bearded vulture does this neat trick where it rubs itself down with red earth to look intimidating. I read this on a post on the popular image hosting site Imgur, pronounce it however you like, and the bearded vulture does this war paint activity as a sort of territorial domination/wicked sweet party trick. Anyway here’s a picture of it.

Usually they're white but this one had to pretty up it's face.

Usually they’re white but this one had to pretty up it’s face.

Keep in mind this could be total bullshit. I read it ONE place on the internet so it’s probably not true, but I want it to be true, because I think it’s bad ass, and I respect it.

What a subtitle, right? Really hit the ball out of the park on this one guys. But it’s super interesting, I swear. Bearded vultures EAT BONES. Real deal, all natural bones. The birds will actually take a bone, fly off a cliff, and then drop the bones on some rocks and hope they shatter. And when they do shatter, they shatter into fucked up, point, spiky pieces. And the bearded vulture just houses them anyway, just straight up swallows these literally deadly pieces of bones. Its stomach acid breaks down the bones and the nutrients are absorbed from the bone marrow. It eats bones. I respect that. Here’s a video of it.

Other stuff
Well, the wildlife conservation alert thingy has these guys resting at “Least Concern,” so I don’t think the bearded vulture is really going anywhere. As far as I can tell it doesn’t have any natural predators, except maybe a bigger bird, but I don’t think there are many that could handle a 9 foot wingspan. Actually, I know there isn’t. So I take it back. Bearded vultures are invincible.

I really hope that red earth thing is true and I didn’t just find a picture of a red bearded vulture. That would be upsetting. I really like the idea that a bird puts on its makeup every day to impress the other birds. Or it’s called war paint and it’s to scare other birds away. I don’t know. I’m not a bird.

And thank god for that.

What do you think about the bearded vulture? Just another dumb bird or something awesome? Let me know in the comments.


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